Why Do I Feel So Alone?

Why Do I Feel So Alone?

Who has a myspace page, facebook account or twitter account? Millions and millions of people are on these programs aren’t they? I saw a news story about you tube this morning and they said they get 50 hours of video uploaded every minute and 100 million views a month. Incredible. Why? They said what is driving all this is people sat around for years and years desiring to be on the stage of TV and now they have their chance.

What are all these millions of people looking for? What is driving this? We all want to be known and be known for something. I was looking at facebook and here are some things that I noticed people want to be known for…There’s those people that want to be known as the world travelers, some as the politically conscious, those as the crazy fun party people, those as the super active busy people. We all want to be known for something.

Some more general things people want to be known for are…Good looks, healthy lifestyle, active lifestyle, accomplishments, success of our kids, education, super mom and wife and business woman, business success, family guy, great dads and husband, loyal friend, known as a leader, known for your talent, then there’s those that want to be known as the guy who doesn’t care what anybody thinks about them. …everyone wants to be known and known for something whether you realize it or not. People around you can figure this out by the type of things that you project to be important.

The problem is that when there is a gap between what I want to be known for and what I really am, there the problem lies. When there is this gap we all project a different image then what we really are. We put on this happy face.

When we do this it sets us up for secrets. All of us have some gaps so we learn to pretend to be something or someone we’re not exactly.

When you’re dating someone you learn this very quickly. Think back to your dating years if you can remember or if you’re dating right now this is very familiar. You will do everything to put your best foot forward. Why? You want them to see your best side and that part of you that’s a little embarrassing you try your hardest to keep that hidden. This is just human nature. I’ve never experienced this personally but I’ve heard of girls pretending to cook something for the guy to make them think that they are this great cook.

We’d all like to be known as a healthy person. The health craze is everywhere but we say one thing and then go eat a 2000 calorie meal.

Married couples know about this gap. Every couple here has probably fought all the way to church and then when we enter the door we’re all smiles. Why do we smile and why is it even weird right now to say this out loud? Because what we want to be known for and who we really are are very different things at times. Married couples have fought all the way to church then when you get out of the car you are happy and waving at everyone.

We train our kids to pretend don’t we. We train them to maintain an image. Then when the reality of our kids show up we make up an excuse, oh they didn’t get enough sleep last night. This way of life becomes engrained in us from a very early age. When we’re around church people or in public we must act a certain way. Now when we’re at home all bets are off. My family was especially trained at doing this and because of that this is a real struggle for me.

Financial debt is a good proof of our need to present an image. We buy things we can’t afford because we want to known as someone with a lot of money because we have a lot of nice stuff.

We hope that nobody gets to know the real me but we all feel so lonely at times, why?

We’re going to address this issue today, why do I feel so alone? And next week we’re going to answer the question, why do I feel so blah about life? Is there more to life then just this 9 to 5 rut I’m in?

There is a discrepancy between what we want to be known for and what we really are. Everyone struggles with that.

And the question I have for us all today is who really knows you?

I’m not unrealistic. I know you don’t just go around and pour out your life struggles with a perfect stranger but the question is … who really knows you?

People, whether they will admit it or not want to be known by someone, really known. One of the most difficult things to deal with in life is to feel all alone, to feel like no one really knows you. That is one of the most empty feelings in the world to walk into a room and realize no one knows you and no one really cares to know you.

Our society is a scattered society. America is one of the most mobile societies of all time. Because of this, many of us live far from families, we go to colleges that are far away, we bounce from one church to the other and the result of this mobile society is isolation and feelings of loneliness. This exasperates the problem of feeling alone doesn’t it? I would love to live close to all my family but none of them live in the same town. Ashley’s family is the same way.

Thus, facebooks popularity. Facebook is a place for people to feel connected but it really never meets that deep longing in all of us to really be known. This social networking sites just touch the surface of our need to be known.

Adding to the problem of loneliness is we’re all afraid that if someone really knows us they’ll reject us. And that’s why we settle for something less, we settle to pretend to be someone we’re not so that people will like and accept us for who we … want to be? Strange isn’t it, but we all do it.

Now if you say, hey, my life is an open book. That is what people know me for. Then this sermon might not be for you but be careful that you’re not just pretending to be the guy or gal that’s totally transparent. That’s another popular one people want to be known for these days especially in the Christian circles, the my life’s an open book guy. Many of us can act like we’re an open book but once again, it’s just an act.

None of us are alone in this struggle so if you’re thinking you’re abnormal, you’re wrong, because everyone struggles.

What we all really need is not just to have more followers on your twitter account (I have 1 person following me).

If you hear nothing else today hear this, what we need is to be known by a community of believers who know you and accept you for who you really are and support you in becoming who you really want to be.

This goes well beyond just sharing your problems with a friend. More then just feeling connected on facebook. We’ve all had those friends that we share all kinds of things with. We tell them all of our problems with life and they generally know us which is good to a point. But what the NT advocates is something beyond that, something deeper and something more meaningful.

To be known by a group of people who actively help and spur us on to become who we want to be in the power God.

This might be surprising, but this is exactly what the local church is supposed to be doing and offering. There lies the difference between what the world has to offer and what the local church should be doing.

A place where people can go and say, there is this gap in my life, but here is who I really am and we should accept them, forgive them. We should be experts and being accepting and forgiving people because we’ve been accepted and forgiven ourselves.

Romans 8:1 says, “There is no condemnation for those that are in Christ Jesus.”

We should be doing and offering the same thing this verse is talking about. A safe place where broken people just like ourselves can come and get support for their gaps in life. Unfortunately, the church so often is known for the exact opposite. A group of people who are judgmental and un accepting of people who are struggling.

So many times people think that they need to get their lives in order first before they can ever take a step into the church. How wrong is that?

We here at The Bridge want to be a place that is different, not only do I accept you but I’m going to work along side you to help you be all that God wants you to be. That should be the local church.

Today I want to look at the scripture scattered throughout the NT.

James 5:16 “therefore confess your sins to one another and pray for each other so that you may be healed.”

Here’s the second question. Who have you confessed your sins to? When was the last time you confessed your sins to someone else? When was the last time? Think about it. Not just saying your sorry after a fight with your spouse or girlfriend. This is probably one of the most neglected verses in all the Bible. We are told to confess our sins not just our life problems to one another.

There’s a hilarious video swirling around that’s a little too out there for showing at the church but the title of it is, called white people problems. The video very sarcastically points out how most of the things we get all up in arms about are pretty trivial.

Problems that I’ve faced these last couple of weeks…
a/c on one of our cars is blowing not as cold as it should
I accidentally bought the non fat plain yogurt instead of low fat vanilla. Now my breakfast routine is messed up.
Someone accidentally turned the power off to my tivo machine and I missed a mavs game. Why do they have to have a mavs game at 3 in the afternoon anyway.
Some milk we bought went sour before the exp date.
I got hardly any chicken in my sweet and sour chicken at pei wei.
My haircut lady sold me some shampoo that she guaranteed would solve my scalp problem. She was wrong.
Ashley and I can’t decide whether to spend our 1st anniversary in San Francisco or Colorado.

We all have real sin problems on the inside that we desperately need to be healed from. We are all addicted to some sort of sin and if you don’t then you are either not being honest with yourself or you have disillusioned yourself because no one has ever been perfect. We all have areas in life that we can be working on.

And as I’ve noticed those that are closest to God usually are those that see their depravity the most. Have you ever noticed that? People that are far far from God tend to be those that see little fault in themselves and those closest to God see how far from perfect they are and how much they need support to bridge those gaps in their lives. Look at some of Paul’s statements,
16But if I do the very thing I do not want to do, I agree with the Law, confessing that the Law is good.

We’re all addicted in one way or another. It may not be alcoholism but we have somethings. You might say, I’d like people to know me as a loving and caring person but every time I go home I can be the most unloving person to my wife. I’d like to be that kind of person to those that are closest to me but it’s a struggle.

James says, don’t just tell God, tell someone else. That is the way God designed us. What’s the purpose in telling someone else? Look at the last part of that verse.

16Therefore confess your sins to each other and pray for each other so that you may be healed. The prayer of a righteous man is powerful and effective.

Here’s the 3nd question for all of us. Who is specifically praying for you? Who is praying for you so specifically because they know your innermost struggles you are going through right now because you share with them on a regular basis what’s going on inside? Anyone? No one?

About 4 years ago I started meeting with a Christian friend on a regular basis and I regularly confessed my sins and he specifically prayed for me about these things and I look back and realize that this was some of the most fruitful growing times in my Christian life. Why? Because God honors it when people get together to do this confession and prayer on a regular basis.

Who is specifically praying for you?

2nd verse: Hebrews 10:24-25
24And let us consider how we may spur one another on toward love and good deeds. 25Let us not give up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing, but let us encourage one another—and all the more as you see the Day approaching.

The only way I will know how to spur you on is to know where you are struggling. You might say, hey, I’ve struggled for years with looking at the wrong things on the internet. Or you might say, I spend way too much time thinking about the next thing I’m going to buy and very little time thinking about the things that are important to God, making Him known. Or, I want to be an encourager, but honestly, I don’t encourage anyone.

We are here to spur each other on towards good deeds.

Look at the last part of this verse, 25, this is very practical teaching. Keep meeting together. You can’t grow in your faith if you rarely meet with other believers. This isn’t rocket science. If you want to grow, it doesn’t happen in isolation, it only happens with a group of believers.

Galatians 6:2 says, Carry each others burdens (sin burdens, the gap burdens). In the context of Galatians the burdens he is talking about are sin burdens not just life burdens. So often we think of that in terms of hardships of life, my mother is sick, or my car broke down, or I’m struggling at my job, or I missed my flight.

We get wrapped up and concerned about all the wrong things don’t we. Those aren’t the burdens of life Paul is talking about here in Galatians, he’s talking about our sin burdens.

What exactly does that mean? This means you have someone who knows exactly what you are struggling with and they commit to pray specifically for that, and they commit to call you on a regular basis to talk about that and encourage you along.

You might have a friend that you’re meeting with on a regular basis and he’s calling you up regularly asking you specifically how you’re doing with that sin issue, he’s praying for you daily, he’s encouraging you every time you meet together.

Romans 15:7 says, Accept one another just like I have accepted you.

How did Jesus accept you? Just the way you are. Why are most people reluctant to share their real sin problems? Because we’re all afraid that we won’t be accepted by the other people.

I want you to find a group of people you can trust and they can help you carry that Gap burden going on inside of you.

My dream is to have small groups of guys and women with women walking together, carrying one another’s burdens.

Would someone get under the burden with me because I’ve tried it on my own and it’s not getting any better.

The NT doesn’t just think this is an add on but this is at the core of the NT church. Is Sunday service important, yes. Is bible study important, yes. Is fellowship time important, yes. But the most important thing the church can be doing is this right here. That is why we think this should be happening all over the church, groups of people who at the core are accepting and burden sharing with one another.

Where can and are we trying to do this? Structured environments we call community groups can help facilitate this to happen. This doesn’t just naturally happen, very rarely does it?

God honors it when people come together to do this.

We know what you want to be known for but who really knows you. Secrets eat at your soul and will come out at some point one way or another.

This past week something very shocking happened at my work. The police came down to arrest a guy that has worked for me for years for solicitation of a minor online.

Why not allow a group of people who love you and accept you to pray and walk with you in this life.

We all need this. We all struggle, we’re all addicted to sin in one way or another. If you don’t think so then you are disillusioned. If you allow that sin in your life to go unchecked it will only get worse and you can’t overcome that by yourself by the way.

It is so unhealthy to carry secrets. Once we reveal secrets this burden being lifted can do wonders to help free us from guilt.

Plug for community groups. Starting point. If you want to join one of these groups just come see me or write that on your visitation card.

So, let me go back to my original question, who really knows you? Does anyone? And who have you confessed your sins to lately and who is praying specifically for you about your sin problems? Anyone?

You might say, I want to be a great wife or husband, a successful businessman or woman, a loving father, a devoted Christian, a gracious person? But I’m not there yet honestly.

I want all of us to close the gap between what we want to be known for and who we really are. To do this it’s going to take some risk of opening up to a group of people who are fellow strugglers and they can help share that burden with you.